Grand Canyon Adventures

Two years ago I went on my first solo road trip to Charleston, SC. It was an incredible experience so I wanted to do another Spring Break road trip this year. It was a little different figuring out where I was going to go this time because everything with the boys has been so up in the air lately that I wasn't sure if I would end up having them for Spring Break even though it was their dad's year.  I wanted to plan something that would allow me to bring them along on the off chance that I ended up having them. I decided on The Grand Canyon. It was somewhere neither the boys nor I have been and I was pretty sure they would have enjoyed it. I always make these road trips of mine (mostly) camping trips because A) I like to camp and be outside. And B) campsites are significantly cheaper than hotel rooms. I narrowed my camping options down to 2 choices. There is a waterfall on the western end of the canyon that I have wanted to visit for quite some time. You can camp there, but it's primitive camping only AND it's a 10 mile hike down into the campsite. Since I wasn't 100% sure about the boys being with me or not, I decided not to go that route just in case. So I went with the second option, a campsite on the southern rim of the canyon that didn't require a 10 mile hike to get to that I wasn't sure the boys could handle. I ended up not having the boys after all so I wished I had gone with my first choice, but I was still hoping to find a way to get to those falls. At any rate, I was going to THE GRAND CANYON and I was pumped! It was time to hit the road. 

I left a day earlier than originally planned so I could stop in Abilene and drop some stuff off in storage. I was greeted by this west Texas sunset. What a lovely welcome. 

      

After I left Abilene, I was New Mexico bound. My friend Laura lives at the exact halfway point between Houston and The Grand Canyon so it worked out great getting to visit with her for a night along the way. On my way to New Mexico, I drove by miles and miles of cotton fields. I don't know why, but I was fascinated with them. So I pulled over, did some trespassing, and walked onto one of the fields to take a picture. I also picked some cotton for myself. I don't know, y'all. I know it's just cotton, but I needed some. I can't explain it. Just let me live my cotton-picking life in peace, ok? 

Along my route, I came across a restaurant called Hungry Bear Pizza. I guess I didn't capture that part of the sign in the picture, but that's what it said. I initially stopped just to get the picture, but I was intrigued by this place called Hungry Bear Pizza that also advertised tacos. I was very confused and decided I needed to order something.  

Turns out, you don't actually order inside the restaurant. You order at this window outside. That's held up by a pizza box. Obviously. I was greeted by a very nice Hispanic woman who just reeked of excellent taco making skills. Plus it seemed like the tacos were advertised more than the pizza and I always love a good taco, so I decided on that. I asked what kind of tacos they offered and she said, "We don't have regular tacos. We just have the taco gigante. It's $8.00. We also have pork chops and fruit cups and pizza." I have never been so confused in my entire life about anything as I was at that moment trying to figure out that restaurant.    

She insisted that the taco gigante was very good... so the $8.00 taco gigante from Hungry Bear Pizza it was. It definitely lived up to it's gigante name. I'm pretty sure that thing weighed about the same as one of my sons. Maybe even the same as both of them combined. It might have even weighed the same as me. Who really knows... all I know is that it was delicious. I ate what I could of the monstrous taco/burrito from a pizza joint -and took the rest to Laura. She couldn't finish it either.   

It's good to see you, New Mexico! I got too caught up in actually visiting with Laura that we took zero pictures together. But I told her the story about El Taco Gigante from Hungry Bear pizza and we both decided to google it and do some research. Apparently Hungry Bear Pizza WAS a legit pizza joint that just served pizza at some point but closed down. So the little taqueria opened up and instead of replacing the sign, they just added a sombrero to it. And kept pizza on the menu. And pork chops. And fruit cups. Anyway, after a nice visit and some sleep, it was time to get back on the road. 

I got off the main interstate several times to drive down the original Route 66 highway. It was pretty neat. Apparently they mean business about keeping it historic because there were payphones at one gas station in Albuquerque. I had no idea payphones still existed anywhere in the world. I really wished I had some quarters so I could have seen if it actually worked.  

I took this picture because I thought it was a good view. I had no idea at that time what was in store for my viewing pleasure at my final destination in Arizona.  

Once in Arizona, I got off the main highway again to drive down Route 66 for a bit. 

If you're a fan of The Eagles, you'll understand the "standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona" reference. And Winslow, Arizona has run with that gimmick. They even had Eagles songs playing outside on that corner. The gift shops were loaded with "standin' on a  corner" souvenirs. I bought one. And I'm not sorry. I took my souvenir and finished up my drive to my last stop. 

On my last solo road/camping trip, I made more stops along the way and was not smart enough to book my campsites in advance because I didn't want to be tied down to a specific place if I wanted to reroute for some reason. That resulted in me not always being able to find a vacant campground. So I learned my lesson and booked this site in advance this go around. I set up camp and was ready to explore. 

But first, I ate dinner. And I took a picture of it for my mom because when I was in Abilene unloading storage stuff, she asked me if I packed any food and if I knew what I was going to do about food while camping in The Grand Canyon. I told her I was not packing food for an 18 hour drive and that I would figure it out when I got there. My lack of food planning apparently left her feeling uneasy and she thought I might starve to death in The Grand Canyon. I love her. So look, mom! I have food! :)

I made the hike over to the rim of the canyon and this was my very first view of it. It's a picture and it's lovely, but pictures will just never ever ever ever be able to portray the real life vision. The words, "holy shitballs" actually came out of my mouth. Out loud. I don't know, y'all. I don't have an explanation. It's just what came out, ok? I was in complete awe. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I get now why it's considered one of the seven natural wonders of the world. It is truly amazing.  

And then I took lots more pictures. None of which do any real justice to the majesty that is The Grand Canyon, but here they are anyway. 

I finally made it back to camp to get some sleep. The days were forecast to be nice, but the nights had a forecast of temps in the low 30's. Once the sun went down, it got chilly fast. I was not looking forward to that part of camping. At one point, there was a chance of snow during my first night. That never happened so at least that. I survived my first night sleeping in freezing temps and started exploring the national park and more of the canyon. I decided to do the trail along the rim of the canyon before I did any hiking down into the inner canyon. I started at Desert View at the furthest end east of the park and made my way west to Hermits Rest at the furthest end on the west side of the park. There were some cool detour stops along the way. I visited some small Indian ruins where I first discovered what petrified wood was. I later learned that most of world is already aware of what petrified wood is and I have lived in a box my whole life. But whatever. I thought it was cool.   

This was my first view of the Colorado River from the rim of the canyon. 

Traveling by yourself, you don't make it in many pictures. And it seemed awkward to ask people to take a picture of just me. But I did it one time. And then ended up blocking most of view of the river which kinda defeated what I was going for. Oh well. I think you can still see a tiny bit of it to my left if you zoom in. Can you even zoom in on blog pictures? I don't really know. I digress. 

This was in the same museum where I discovered the petrified wood for the first time. I don't know why the wood picture ended up way up there away from the rest but whatever. There it will stay. And here these ones will stay. 

At Desert View, there is a lookout tower that is pretty neat. 

This is a scaled down version of the entire Grand Canyon. Very cool.

I had an Indian taco for lunch. I'm not sure what made it "Indian" outside of the fried bread, but it was still good. 

                                      

Just some more views. Because I was a picture takin' fool. 

An attempt to take the obligatory "look at me staring at the Grand Canyon from the edge of a ledge" picture. But I was still traveling alone you know... so there's my feet on said ledge instead of my whole self. Let's all carry on with our lives now. The view really was spectacular though. Never ever got old.   

For a small fee of about $350/night, I could have stayed at the El Tovar Hotel that overlooks the canyon. And has warm beds. And complimentary showers. But alas, I no longer fit into the wealthy category that the hotel was built for. I did go inside though. There was a giant fireplace in the lobby with several couches around it. I took a picture but couldn't find it in my phone. I came very close to "accidentally" falling asleep on one of the couches in front the fireplace so I wouldn't have to go back to my cold tent and sleep outside in the 30 degree temps. But I didn't. I did check out the gift shop before I left though.   

Logan would have loved this book. 

Cool. A Grand Canyon tree ornament...

....made in Colorado? Um, never mind then. 

Prickly Pear stuff was EVERYWHERE! I had no idea you could make so many things out of one plant. See plethora of pictures to see what I mean....

I picked up a few prickly pear items and the poop book for Logan and went to check out. The cashier started ringing me up and I reached for my wallet in my purse. Oh yeah. I had been hiking and wasn't wearing my purse. I was wearing a knock-off Camelbak hydration pack. I tried to barter with snacks from my pack, but wasn't successful. Oh well. No souvenirs then. Guess I should check the weather to see how cold it was going to be in my tent that night. But cell service was really sketchy in most parts of the park and this is what I got from my weather app instead... thanks a lot weather app.  

The thing about camping in a national park like the Grand Canyon, is that they want your money. So my mom who was worried about me not being able to find food needent worry. There were plenty of food options around. Like this one. Because did I mention it was cold at my campsite and I wanted to avoid cooking over a fire like normal campers do because I hate the cold? And there are adult beverages here? Yeah, this place will do...

I eventually had to go back to my campsite and get some rest though so I could finish up the rim trail the next morning. I was eager to do some hiking INTO the canyon instead of just around it. Although the rim is where the cool history stopping points were. This was from the Kolb Studio. The Kolb brothers were photographers who went down into the canyon and took pictures and video from the river in order to promote their business. It was a pretty cool story about some other people who lived in the spirit of adventure. I liked it. 

I wish this painting was for sale. Not that I could have afforded it anyway, but still...

This was Hermit's Rest at the other end of the rim trail. So much history at this park. It was really neat to read about and see.

Now it was time to make my hike down INTO the inner canyon. I chose the hardest and longest trail I could take without having overnight permits - 13 miles roundtrip to a place in the canyon called Plateau Point. And here's another picture for my worried mom who thought I would die of dehydration and/or starvation in the middle of the canyon. 

This is where I filled up my water bottles. The Grand Canyon is big on water conservation so they offer a place to get fresh spring water straight from the canyon, which was pretty neat.                                         

About 5 minutes into my hike down, I came across this dude. I don't know what his official title is so I just dubbed him the hiking police. He had actually "pulled over" some dudes when I fist saw him. But I was trying to save power on my phone in case of emergency and couldn't pull it out from my pack and take a picture quick enough without it being obvious. When I saw him again here looking for more hiking violators (or whatever it was he was actually doing), I took the opportunity to get my picture of him discreetly. Just without any violators. Oh well. 

For a small fee of about a million dollars and a reservation about 98 years advance, you can ride a mule into the first couple legs of the trail. Us hikers on foot got to reap the benefits of that by navigating around and getting a good whiff of mule poop. I'm sure Logan would have thought it was cool. I sure missed those boys of mine. 

Getting my first views from inside the canyon was pretty awesome. It was so cool finally getting a close up view of all the sidewall rocks. 

For Aby... purple cactus with a purple tinted Grand Canyon in the background! You would have loved this spot on the trail! I smiled and thought of you while I was here. :)

A nice little stream towards the bottom that offered a nice place to cool off before finishing up the last 1.5 miles to Plateau Point. The nights may have been cold, but the days were absolute perfect hiking weather. I had completely forgotten how cold I had been the night before.

And finally, Plateau Point. I only have this one picture because I used up quite a bit of cell power on the video I took and figured that was enough. It really was spectacular here though. I could even hear the Colorado River from down here. Totally worth the 6.5 miles and 3000 ft.+ elevation drop to get here. And I had it all to myself. Ah. freaking. mazing. I cannot even begin to describe the beauty that surrounded me. 

I was feeling really good when I got to Plateau Point. I barely drank any of my water supply and hadn't eaten since right before I had started my descend down. But now it was time to go back UP 6.5 miles. And that was a different story. I really wanted to stay at the plateau longer than I did, but I had gotten a later start than I planned and also wanted to be OUT of the canyon before it got dark. So leave I must. A couple of deer showed up which was a fun distraction from the fact that I was now having to hike up 6.5 miles. I love the canyon. 

At one point, I looked down and noticed all of the footprints of fellow hikers who had adventured into the canyon. I just thought it was neat and I wondered about who each footprint belonged to and what their story was. Then I left my own print and took a picture to remember it by. 

Most of the hike back up really wasn't too bad. Until I got to the last couple of miles. Those final 2 miles were ROUGH. I had to really push myself. I didn't stop to rest much because I was trying so hard to get out before dark. But when I looked across and saw this view during the first part of sunset, I had to stop. I realized I was inside THE GRAND CANYON and I was lucky enough to get to watch the SUNSET from there. So I paused and rested and took in the amazing view that made me once again say, "holy shitballs" out loud. I thought about how big of a God we have that could create such beauty. And I realized how small everything else in life is. The God who created this massive piece of AMAZING art -just for us -is so much bigger than anything I could ever dream up. So I allowed myself all of my crazy big dreams in this place. He got them all. Right then and there. What better place to dream big than in the middle of the Grand Canyon during sunset?  And then... a cold breeze. I actually had to put my hoodie on. Which meant it was getting late and I was running out of time to get out before dark. Time to get moving again. 

Unfortunately, I did not reach my goal of getting out before dark. With just about under a mile left, the sun went completely down. Hiking in the dark was not my favorite. I had plenty of snacks and water, but I didn't think to pack a flashlight or my mace in case I needed either one. Thankfully, no rapists were on the trail so I didn't need the mace, but a flashlight sure would have been awesome. I was tired and sore and was pretty sure I was going to be stuck in that canyon forever. Finally I saw lights from the hotel at the trail-head shining bright and I knew I was close. After a total 7 hours of hiking, I channeled my inner Reese Witherspoon from the movie, “Wild” and pushed and made it to that glorious light.  Then I realized I didn't have a room at that hotel with a warm bed and hot shower. Dang. I was desperately in need of a shower. So my new goal was to make it to the camper service area which is the only place that had hot water and showers for the campers. It closed at 8:00pm though so I had to hurry. Thankfully, I made that goal with a few minutes to spare. I was able to grab my towel and a change of clothes and my quarters and make it to the showers just in time. 

At the Grand Canyon National Park, where they are big on water conversation, you don't get free showers unless you're paying for a hotel room. At the campsite, you get the luxury of a $2.00 shower with an 8 minute timer. And when they say 8 minutes, they mean 8 minutes. I was half way through rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when my water suddenly stopped. I was all of sudden cold again and had to go outside the shower stall with wet dripping soapy hair to grab some more quarters and then start my shower again. Most stressful shower of my life. In the end though, it was the best $4.00 I spent the entire trip. 

When I got back to my campsite, I looked up at the night sky for the first time. It sounds weird I know, but I had spent the last couple of nights more focused on getting inside my warm mummy sleeping bag than I had been on actually really enjoying the nights. But this night, I looked up -and the stars were INCREDIBLE. I said "holy shitballs" out loud again. Actually, I said it out loud a lot during the duration of my trip. Like I said, I don't know. It's just what came out. I don't have an explanation for it. I tried to take a picture of the stars, but I just had my phone camera and this is what it captured. Sorry. Just go visit in person and see it all for yourself. 

I stole this picture from the internet if it helps..

The next morning, I realized I had done everything I could do from the southern rim. I explored the entire rim trail, explored every part of the park itself I could, and hiked down into the inner canyon. It had been a productive 3.5 days. I thought, "Now is my chance to make it to Havasu Falls!" So a day early than my scheduled check out, I packed up camp and checked out of my campsite. Then I headed out of the park itself and went to a coffee shop that had free WiFi. I needed some legit service to plan this next part of my adventure. Also, I was really sore. And I needed some kind of actual nutrition after that hike from last night. A smoothie sounded pretty good. But also, coffee. I needed coffee. And water. And food. The food part was easy, but deciding which drink I needed/wanted the most was hard. So I just got all three. Don't judge me. Sometimes you just need three drinks. Time to plan Havasu Falls. I had also learned that there is a glass bridge that goes over the canyon on the same end as Havasu Falls... so might as well try and cover that too in my planning! 

On a side note, that coffee shop also had a souvenir section. With grass flip flops. I mean, I love me some flip flops but this was a little much even for me. Anyhow, back to planning...  

But soon...disappointment. I knew day hiking wasn't allowed at Havasu Falls, but I had also read somewhere that you could take a helicopter ride down. So in my mind, I just always assumed that if I could make the 4 hour drive to that side of the canyon from the southern rim, I could get in via helicopter since I wouldn't actually be hiking. That helicopter trip down to the falls is what I was trying to plan at the coffee shop. But as it turns out, the helicopter only takes you into the village on the Indian reservation where the falls are, which is only 8 of the 10 miles down. You still have to hike the last 2 miles down into the campsite area where the falls actually are. And that area is off limits if you don't have the required permits that come with a campsite reservation. And you have to make reservations for the campsite at least a week in advance. Crap. Dreams crushed. At this point, I had already checked out of my current campsite and was loaded up... so I decided on the awful plan B of just calling the adventure done and heading home. I could have still done the skybridge but that's not what I had really wanted to do and driving the 4 hours there would have tacked that time to my already long 18 hour+ drive home. Not worth it if I wasn't going to get to see my falls. At least I would make it home and could sleep in a warm bed a little earlier. While I had internet though, I scrolled through my Instagram and came across this picture in my feed. What the heck, Instagram? Why you trying to rub it in??

Sigh. Farewell campsite 30. And farewell Grand Canyon. It was absolutely amazing. Thanks for the incredible memories. 

                                                                                 

I saw plenty of elk at the canyon. This was the first one that rudely walked in front of my car. No consideration for drivers, this guy..

                                                                             

Leaving Arizona behind...

I stopped at this place and saw no meteor crater. Just an RV park. Let down. 

My original plan going home was to take I-10 all the way down to Phoenix and Tucsan, then El Paso and back home to Houston. But I remembered seeing a sign for the Petrified Wood National Forest on my way into Arizona. I had seen petrified wood for the first time at the Grand Canyon and thought it was really neat, so the idea of seeing an entire forest of it sounded pretty cool. And the forest was in a place called The Painted Desert, which also sounded cool. It was also on my way home -just not on I-10. So I gave up Phoenix and Tucson for this rerouted small adventure. Let me go ahead and ruin the ending for you by telling you that it was not at all worth it. The "painted" desert was all of 2 colors and there were a total of about 4 petrified logs in the "forest." 

When I arrived, the guy at the entrance gate said it was a 20 minute drive through the forest. It took an hour. He didn't mention that you don't just drive through. There are stopping points where you have to get out and walk. Didn't he know that I hiked 13 miles yesterday and was in no position to be getting of my car to do any sort of walking? Also, he saw my Grand Canyon entrance tag on my windshield and convinced me that for just $30 more, I could get a year pass into any single national park. The pass is $80, but the $30 I paid to get into the Grand Canyon and the $20 I was about to pay to get in here covered $50 of the $80. So like a dummy, I said, "Sure! I'll take one of those annual passes!" And now I have a tag on my rear-view mirror that allows me to get into any national park for free until next March. It's more a reminder of my let down from this Petrified National Forest. Sigh. Live and learn I guess. 

It probably wouldn't have been such a let down if I hadn't just seen...you know, THE GRAND CANYON. Nothing really can compare to that. Plus I was still really crabby about not getting to Havasu Falls.  But since I was there, here are some pictures...  

Here's what a bunch of petrified wood looks like in case you're like me and hadn't ever seen it before. It looks way cooler inside the gift shop than it did in the so called forest.  

For a small fee of a couple grand, you could purchase a giant petrified log. 

Time to get going again. Here's the view I had on the highway. Just as good as the Petrified Forest views. And it didn't cost me $50. I might have still been a little bit bitter. 

But in true God fashion, a break from the bitterness with this rainbow. The picture sucks but in person, it was gorgeous. And just what I needed. 

And this sunset to go along with it. Ok, I was feeling better now. 

I still wanted to see El Paso, so that's where I was headed to get my first night's sleep on the way home. It was so nice to see this welcoming sign home. 

All of my detours pushed the drive time back and it was midnight before I actually made it back to Texas. I thought I might splurge on a hotel room like my mom said I should, but I couldn't justify the cost of it for just 7 hours. Plus, it just doesn't seem like a legit "Cassi road trip" without spending a least one night in my car! So I pulled into the rest stop at the state line -because those rest stops always have nice restrooms. I took my toiletry bag inside and washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I drove into El Paso and pulled into a Comfort Suites hotel and parked. Then I made my bed in the backseat of my car, and went to sleep.  

The next morning, I pulled up my weather app to check the weather in El Paso. It was still on the Grand Canyon. Turns out I missed snow by checking out a day early. I'm still really not sure if I'm happy or sad about that. 

My original plan for breakfast was to try and snag some free continental breakfast from the Comfort Suites I had parked and slept at. But I figured I would look suspicious walking in from the lobby and not from the rooms to get breakfast. So I chickened out. I clearly still have a lot to learn about living adventurously. I'm gonna try it one day though. Anyhow, I was in El Paso which meant I could probably get some good breakfast tacos. So to downtown I headed... 

                                                                         
I did get some breakfast tacos that I didn't take a picture of and thought, "I'm so close to The Rio Grande, I should eat my breakfast at the river!" I found a spot on my GPS and headed there. Except pretty much all of El Paso was under construction and half the roads were closed. I accidentally ended up at a "construction only" site. Oops.  

I finally made it out and found a legit road again. I followed it hoping to get to the river. Instead, it led me to the border of Mexico. There was a nice man that told me it would cost me $3.50 or 70 pesos to go to Mexico. I explained that I didn't actually want to go to Mexico; I just wanted to eat my breakfast on the river. He gave me directions to a place he thought would work and I backed up and tried one more time to get to the river.

This is what I came to. A section of the Rio Grande with NO water. Just more construction. Awesome. So I gave up and ate my tacos in the car at this bridge "on the river." 

I noticed on my maps that the zoo was nearby so I thought I'd check it out. I mean, why not, right? There wasn't much to it, but it was a nice distraction from my breakfast on the river woes. 

The spider monkeys were cool.

I think this was called a sun bear. It's supposed to be the smallest of all the bears. He was super cute. 

There was a treehouse playground that my boys would have enjoyed. I wished they could have gone on this adventure with me. 

A Garcia owns this cool van. Just so you all know. 

I had done some contemplating while at the river and at the zoo. I was so close to Mexico, it would be so easy for me go there, I had my passport... and most importantly, I was on an adventure. Soooo, why not just go ahead and take a trip to Juárez, Mexico? I could call up my people and tell them I stopped for lunch in Mexico... kinda like those really fancy people who fly into London just for afternoon tea or something. So this time, I followed the signs on purpose. I went back to the same guy that gave me faulty river directions and said, "Hello again! I'd like to go to Mexico this time, please." He took my $3.50 and told me to have a good time.  

I called my mom and told her I made another detour... into Mexico. I thought she'd think it was cool and tell me to grab her a souvenir. She didn't think it was cool or anything like the fancy people going to London for the day to have tea. She said something along the lines of, "Cassi!!!! That is NOT tourist Mexico! That is drug land Mexico and you are a single woman by yourself and you are going to get KILLED! Get out of there!!" Moms. I sure do love mine. I wasn't ready to leave though. I figured I should call my dad though and fill him in on my whereabouts too. Just in case mom was right, I wanted both of my parents to know where I was. Dad had the same reaction as mom. Such party poopers, those two. I told them that I had seen a Wal-Mart and I really wanted to know what Mexican Wal-Marts were like, plus that was probably a pretty safe place to go in, right? So I told them I was going to drive around and explore for a bit and then check out that Wal-Mart and then head back to the states.    

I forgot for a second that this price was in pesos and thought this was some really expensive Mexican Tide laundry soap. I was going to get my family some souvenirs from the Mexican Wal-Mart, but then realized I wasn't at a market... I was at a Wal-Mart. Where my choices for souvenirs were Mexican Tide or Mexican Downy. Hindsight, I wish I would have gotten it, but at the time it seemed lame. So I didn't get anything. I guess my parents would have to be ok with their souvenir being me making back to the United States safely. Sorry family. 

After a fun filled few hours hanging out in Juárez, Mexico, it was time to cross back over the border. Once I made it back to the U.S. side, I called my dad and told him I was out of Mexico but waiting in the customs line. It what then that he told me why he had been so concerned earlier... “I didn’t want to freak you out -but aren’t you packin’ heat?” Oh. Yeah. I have a license to carry and I bring my handgun with me on these solo trips since my mom has a point about me being a single gal traveling alone. I’d just rather be prepared for the worst just in case. And Arizona recognizes my Texas lisence to carry so all was well there.  Mexico on the other hand, does not give two rips about my Texas lisence to carry.  I did not even think about that!

And then in a later conversation, my dad also reminded me that my current lisence isn’t valid ANYWHERE right now. Another memory lapse of previous life events when I went on a spontaneous trip to gamble in Louisiana with an old friend a few weeks ago and lost my drivers license. When I went to DPS to replace it, the guy needed a picture ID so I gave him my handgun license. He forgot that it wasn’t an old drivers license and snipped it -which invalidated it. So until I get my new lisence, I’m not legal to carry anywhere right now. Oops. That could have been a not-so-fun side adventure! But I’m here writing about it now, so I guess it all worked out. Not that that doesn’t stop my family from giving me a hard time about it. But I digress.

Also, it took MUCH longer to get back through customs on this side of the fence. 

There were patrolmen with k-9's which made sense. But some of them also had these weird looking thingys. I have no idea what it is or what it does. So if anyone can enlighten me, that'd be cool. 

Ahh... back in Texas just in time for another sunset. 

I was tired and knew I would have to stop again before making it back to Houston. So I abandoned my plans once again and opted to give up my I-10 route towards Houston for a new route on I-20 towards Abilene. I would be able to sleep in a warm bed FOR FREE there and take a FREE hot shower. No brainer. 6 hours later, I was welcomed by the beauty of a sign identified as the greatness that is Taco Bueno. And it was still open. Win. I took my Taco Bueno goodness to my parents house, ate, and took that free shower. Then I went to sleep in my free warm bed and slept for an amazing 8 hours. My mom was/is actually in the Houston area for a while so I got some one-on-one time with just my dad. The next day he treated me to dinner and we stayed up for hours just talking about life -and how I miraculously got away with accidentally illegally bringing a firearm into Juárez, Mexico. It was such a wonderful way to end my adventure. I still cannot believe that in the middle of my chaotic life, I was lucky enough to get to go on such an amazing adventure.  Gratefulness is such an understatement for how I feel about the whole experience
.

I'm also pretty sure I'm legit Mexican now. I went back to work talking to my Spanish speaking co-workers across the hall in as much Spanish as I could -which is about 3 sentences. But every time we count in class now, we also count in Spanish. Porque fui a México por dos horas, lo que me hace auténtico. Duh. 

And while driving around Mexico, I obviously jammed out to the Mexican radio stations. Mostly to the station, noventa y ocho punto tres, or 98.3.  I took a video... because... well... I'm not really sure. But I've posted it here regardless. I tried SOO hard to pick up on the words so I could actually sing along, but alas, no such luck. But you can watch and laugh at me listening and trying to jam out anyway. You're welcome. 

M

This is the Good Life

Audio Adrenaline was my jam back in high school. I would sing out loud along to the lyrics of one of their songs, "Good Life." It's a song about losing everything and still claiming your life as good in the arms of Jesus. These days, that song has become one of my jams again. And this time, it rings a little more true than it ever could when I was 17 and my biggest loss in life was my high school crush never asking me out on a date or getting a speeding ticket in my 1993 fuchsia colored Geo Storm. There was that one time a group of us crashed a golf cart that didn't belong to us -but even those repercussions were pretty mild. I did lose the cd player in my Geo Storm several times from burglary. I always wondered what is was about a hot pink car that screamed, "Break in here -there's bound to be nice stuff in here!" That car got broken into so many times, I eventually couldn't get my driver side window replaced anymore because the part that controlled the manual window-roller-thingy got too jacked up. So my dad duct-taped plexiglass instead and I lost the luxury of going to drive-thru restaurants for quite some time. I suppose that really was kind of a big loss. I still don't take the ability to roll down my window and order a milkshake from Sonic for granted anymore.

I'm about three weeks into my 35th year of life and my losses have become quite a bit more significant. Thanks to cancer, Alzheimer's, and even a broken heart, I have lost all of my grandparents. I lost the comfort of having my 2 best friends around on a daily basis when I moved to Houston. I lost myself in a toxic marriage that ultimately ended in divorce and the loss of the marriage itself. That loss will forever mean the loss of a stable in-tact family for my kids. I thought those days would always be considered "my dark days." But then I tried to commit myself to another relationship that wasn't right -which led to a new feeling of being trapped and losing myself -which led to anxiety -which led to depression -which led to me almost dying. And let me tell you, that brought on a whole new definition to "my dark days."

And even now, I have lost a stable home with the news that the boys and I will have to move again next month. Thankfully, loved ones have offered to share their homes with us so we can still finish out the school year in Houston before making our big move back to Abilene. But I have no idea where we will actually end up for the last 8 weeks of school yet. Last month I also stopped receiving the child support that has been a constant for the past 4 years. And just within the last couple of weeks, I have lost the friendship of someone I very much love and have had to learn again that sometimes loving someone means letting them go to live their life in peace because you are more of a distraction in their life than you are doing any good for them.  I had dinner with some of my Houston friends last night and realized that I will soon also be losing another group of people I love when we make our big move.   

I have every reason to be downcast these days. But I'm not. In fact, I’m the exact opposite of that. In normal conversation I kind of down play this peace that I have because I'm scared of the way the truth will be perceived. I just say that everything has been working out so I'm just still going with the flow. But the truth is, my peace runs deeper than that. When I got divorced 4 years ago, I trusted God to take care of me. And He did. I went from not having to worry about money at all to being so broke that I didn't have even an extra $10 to spare after all of my bills were paid. BUT. All of my bills were always paid. And I went to bed every night in a warm bed. And I tucked my kids into warm beds every night. And every morning, we all took hot showers and ate food from our pantry that always had food in it. And eventually I had enough money for some of the fun adventurous stuff too. Then a few months ago, I fell into the depression. I was so empty inside that I had barely anything to even offer Jesus. I wasn't sure I had anything to give at all. But I wanted to give what I had, no matter how minuscule it was. And it turns out, that was enough. It. Was. Enough.

These last few months, weeks, and days have been some of the craziest of my life. Every single long term plan I have made for my life has been turned upside down and I have had to put more trust in God than I ever had to before in my life. And that complete and total trust in His love for me and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that His plan for my life is GOOD.. that has brought a kind of joy and peace that truly does surpass understanding. That doesn't mean that every single day is filled with fake smiles that try to pretend the hard stuff isn't still hard. I'm not suddenly some one-dimensional  being that doesn't have any other feelings except happiness. I still have hard days and I still feel pain and sometimes even the anxiety tries to sneak back in. Jesus himself  knows the goodness of God far better than I can grasp, but even He still feels sadness also. When Lazarus died, Jesus knew He was going to bring him back to life, but that didn't mean He put on a fake smile and pretended like the death didn't deserve mourning. Instead, He wept. And when His cousin, John the Baptist died, Jesus didn't walk around telling everyone, "It's cool, guys! I know how the story ends so just keep being happy!" No. Even though He did know how the ultimate story ends, He mourned his death and went away to be alone to grieve in peace. And even when He was on His way to the cross to serve the ultimate purpose of His life, He KNEW what GOOD would come from it, but He still asked, "Father, if there is another way, let this cup pass from me." And when God said there wasn't another way, He willingly went. But He didn't do it with a cheery smile pretending that it wasn't painful. That's not how true peace works.

What having the peace of God DOES mean though, is that I can endure the painful and uncertain parts of my life with strength and confidence because I know who I belong to and I know that His love for me is perfect. PERFECT. I can rest in knowing that His perfect love for me isn't given in a way that the world gives because His love is so much grander and bigger than what the world can give. And it means that the good days are filled with a kind of joy that goes deeper than what the definition of basic happiness brings. One of my favorite Bible verses is Matthew 6:26 that says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" And even early this morning as I was thinking about all of the questions I have about my future, I heard a single bird start to sing. What a sweet reminder.

Just like Audio Adrenaline says in their song, this is the good life...

I've watched my dreams all fade away
And blister in the sun
Everything I've ever had is unraveled and undone
I've set upon a worthless stack
Of my ambitious plans
And the people that I've loved the most
Have turned their backs and ran

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of

This is the good life
I found everything
I could need
Here in your arms

Loneliness has left me searching
For someone to love
Poverty has changed my view
Of what true riches are
Sorrow's opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart's happiness

What good would it be
If you had everything
But you wouldn't have
The only thing you need

Ahoy, South Padre Island!

 I want my boys to look at life as the great adventure that it is. 

So When we have a break from work and school and all of the things we have to do that finance our needs and make us responsible people, I want to go on as many adventures as possible. Be it big or small. So when I got the boys back after the new year, that's exactly what we did. None of us have been to South Padre Island so I decided we would go on a small sized adventure and explore it.  And comparing this road trip adventure to my solo one a couple of years ago that was much further away, I quickly learned that adventuring with kids is way more expensive. If I had enough assets to file bankruptcy on, I would probably need to. And it was all absolutely worth it.  

The day we arrived, we were greeted with 30 degree temps, 24 mph winds, and rain. And the breaker that ran one of the heaters in our cabin was out and needed to be completely replaced. Thankfully we were supplied with space heaters to get us through until the breaker was replaced. So we hunkered down and had indoor game night. If you have not played the game, Speak Out, I highly recommend going out and purchasing it immediately. So. Many. Laughs.

  

The next day was still chilly but dry, so we ventured out. Apparently South Padre Island is the sandcastle capital of the world and is home to the largest sandcastle in the U.S. We took note of the name of the guy who built said largest sandcastle, Andy Hancock, so we could look him up later.  We also learned that there are about 40 businesses that have smaller sandcastles throughout the island. So we got a list of who had the sandcastles, and went on a scavenger hunt. The boys had a great time and got so excited every time they found one.

This was just a cool wall painting that we saw during our scavenger hunt..

Piracy was the theme of a big chunk of our trip. It started when we ate at a restaurant on the pier that was a sister restaurant to another pirate themed restaurant. It stuck and we went with it for the rest of the trip.  

We ended the day watching this gorgeous sunset and then going for a night swim in the hot tub. The boys were crazy and went swimming in the pool also. I was not that stupid....er, I mean brave. I also learned that I should take the boys for a night swim from now on any time I want to get information from them. When I pick them up from school in the car and ask how their day was and what they did, I get something along the lines of, "It was good I guess." But in the hot tub, they told every stranger that was there our entire life story.  Either I need to invest in a hot tub, or I need to start bringing strangers with me to the school carpool line.

The sunrise was just as beautiful as the sunset. Excuse the swim trunks hanging out to dry from the previous night's hot tub swim.

Across the bridge at Port Isabel, there is a restored lighthouse you can go inside. So we did. And holy cow, the view was AH. MAZ. ING.  The sandcastle hunt was free and this was only $9 for the three of us, so I was still feeling pretty good about the cost of this trip too.

Fake pelican picture just for fun. We saw plenty of real pelicans too, which was cool. But we never saw them dive for food and show off their cool beaks that can hold 3 gallons of water, so that part was a bit disappointing.

Oh look! More pirate stuff! I think they make pretty decent pirates.

Open fires aren't allowed on the island but we could use this communal gas fire pit to roast s'mores. So that was cool. Then the boys headed to a playground for the important business of palm tree rock wall climbing and a friendly but semi-vicious game of tetherball. Logan may or may not have intentionally let himself keep getting hit by the ball. What can I say? He's a thrill seeker. Or a masochist. I'm really not sure which.

Did I mention the sunsets and sunrises were amazing? Because they were.

One thing I was really looking forward to was the possibility of seeing wild dolphins. Seeing them in Charleston had been a highlight of the trip and I wanted the boys to experience seeing them too.  I thought they might show up in the bay in front of our cabin, but towards the end of our trip, we still hadn't seen any. So the first large cost of the trip came when I booked a private tour to go out and see the wild dolphins. It was incredible and worth every penny. There were SO many of them out that day and we got to see a couple of them ride the wake in front of shrimp boat which was pretty cool. The boys also thought it was cool that we made it just 6 miles away from Mexico on the trip. These pics don't do any justice at all to what we actually got to see that day. On our last morning on the island, we finally saw a couple of dolphins in the bay by our cabin also, which was the perfect way to end the trip. I'm still not sorry I spent the money on a tour though. It just made it that more exciting whenever we spotted dolphins throughout the rest of the trip!

I personally enjoyed watching all of the birds in the mornings when the tide was low and they were out searching for food. One morning, the boys decided to feed the seagulls pieces of their leftover grilled cheese from lunch the previous day. I'm not sure if grilled cheese is an acceptable part of a seagull's diet or not, so hopefully there wasn't a group of dead birds on our patio for the next group of people that checked into our cabin.

One of the places we came across on our sandcastle scavenger hunt was a sea turtle hospital. We tried to go inside and visit but it was closed because the staff was out looking for stranded turtles that had been affected by the cold weather. Luckily we were able to go back a couple of days later when it warmed up some. It was pretty neat reading all of the stories about each of the turtles that were there.

And of course, more piracy! This was outside of the main pirate themed restaurant that we also ended up eating and spending way too much money at. Worth it.

We ended the trip by dropping some more dough on a pirate themed cruise. To board the ship, we had to walk down the longest fishing pier in Texas which was pretty neat. And long. We also saw more wild dolphins. Bonus. The signal to start boarding the ship was a cannon being fired and that alone pretty much made the boys' day. Aboard the Black Dragon Ship, the boys got to have sword fights, hear tall tales about pirates, go on an on-board treasure hunt, sing and dance to pirate songs, and we all got pirate mustaches painted on. It was so much fun and the boys said they will remember it forever. So again, it was worth every. single. penny.

After we debarked from the Black Dragon, we stopped for ice cream. The very kind Aussie that scooped our frozen treats told us we should take one of his flyers and check out his YouTube channel on sandcastle building. Turns out, he was THE Andy Hancock who built the largest sandcastle we had visited at the beginning of our trip! He complimented us on our awesome pirate mustaches and showed off his own pirate earring. Such a fun surprise for the boys. So of course we asked him for a picture.  

This truly was a trip I will always remember. Nothing outside of our lodging was planned when we first arrived. We just showed up and explored as we went, which was such a fun way to vacation. That's part of what made it feel more like an actual adventure. And we ended up seeing and doing so much! And sharing these adventures and memories with my 2 favorite people in the entire world made it worth everything. 

On the way home, we had to go through border control. Luckily, I still had my painted-on-very-realistic-looking pirate mustache so we made it through without any trouble. Maybe from now on I'll wear a mustache on every adventure.

A Word of Thanks

81 days ago, I confessed my depression spell to the public who reads this blog.  A lot can happen in 81 days and writing is therapeutic so it seemed like a good time to write a little more of my story. 

There are LOADS of people who showed up to offer me love during my dark depression days. But a few women especially stick out that I want to talk about. 

When I was still on Facebook, I wrote a post about my time as an office aid in the counselor's office my senior year of high school and how much the people in that office impacted my life. While I was still in relationship limbo after the wedding was called off but I was still trying to figure out if the entire relationship needed to end or be mended, my high school counselor that I had posted about messaged me on Facebook. She asked if she could call me. I said yes and sent her my number. And y'all, literally within 20 seconds of me hitting "send," my phone was ringing. This woman that I have not seen or spoken to in 15 years made no hesitation to reach out to me and speak life into me. It blew my mind. I won't divulge the entire conversation, but one thing that stood out (besides the fact that she even remembered me after all these years), was when I asked her if she was disappointed that I had let depression take hold of me and I wasn't the same bubbly, enthusiastic, joyful girl she once knew. And she told me, "I could never be disappointed. And Cassi, you ARE that same girl. I can hear it in your voice. She just needs to find her way back out, that's all." Those were the exact words I needed to hear in that moment -not that I COULD be that same girl, but that I was already STILL that girl -and I fell apart in complete gratitude for that woman. And then I called my mom and cried to her as I retold her the story. Because duh. I'm an emotional mess and that's what us emotional messes do.

It was also somewhere along that time frame that I mustered up all the strength I could to contact my old counselor who helped me through my divorce. It took everything I had to contact her again because I had been in a pretty good place when I quit seeing her a couple of years ago.  I didn't want to admit to her that I wasn't strong enough to STAY in that good place. That I was now in fact in a WORSE place emotionally than when I had seen her the first time around. But she too, expressed zero disappointment in my then current emotional state of being. I thought I needed all of the answers on how to handle my life situation right then and there -but she gave me permission to be in limbo. I needed that permission so much. I needed to hear that it was ok to take my time and make a prayerful, clear-headed rational decision instead of rushing into a decision that would have been based on fleeting emotions. And over our next several sessions, she used her own past experiences to speak more life and truth into me. She used her own story to give me the hope of something better in my story. And when things started looking up again, she was there to rejoice with me. She offered her love and prayers and I know she followed through with her promises to pray over me. The world needs more of her. 

And finally, my two best friends. There were a couple of nights during the months of my depression that I couldn't hold myself together and completely lost it. When I thought I might follow through with my desire to die. Jennie and Laura were the ones I called when that happened. They were the ones I trusted to let in all the way without any walls whatsoever and see me in my worst state. The ones I knew I didn't have to pull myself together for and be strong for. They didn't see it in person, but they definitely heard me when I was at my absolute very lowest. They didn't listen to me cry, they listened to me wail sobs of complete and total misery.  They heard me cry out for death. And then they met me in my need. They offered to do whatever it took to keep me alive. And they meant it. And then they offered words of wisdom and truth that nobody else was willing to tell me. Man, I love them.

I had two choices during my depression days: trust Jesus - or die. That was it. So as much as I possibly could at the time, I gave my story over to Jesus and chose to trust him no matter what. Today, the depression is gone. That's not to say that there's no more sadness, because there definitely is. But I see the beauty in life again and instead of longing for death, I long for a purpose filled life. I remember when I got to a point where I could at least look forward to watching my boys grow up but I didn't think I would ever look forward to my own life anymore. But the One who loves me the most has rescued me. He has been at work all of these days and I really truly do look forward to my own life again! Jesus gets all of the credit for that. Words cannot be written to fully express the gratitude I have that I wasn't left to die in that dark place. And I'm so incredibly thankful for the people that had a part in his plan to rescue me. The ones I mentioned AND for so many others that also showed up and continue to show up. You all brought a piece of goodness into the world when you chose to show up for a girl who had lost her way and almost damn near lost her life. It's not enough and you deserve so much more, but to every single one of you, I send the biggest hugs I've got along with the biggest THANK YOU that can possibly be expressed in words. 

  

A Tale of Two Dresses

I almost reached for the Advil PM and a glass of water. But here I am -with leftover peach cobbler and coffee instead. Because while I am tired (I am ALWAYS tired), there is this part of my story that needs to get out. And of course peach cobbler and sugared up coffee are the best sidekicks to get that done. But where do I start? That's such a hard thing to know. Straight to the heart of the story I guess?

 So, 5 months ago, I got engaged. That wedding was set to happen next month. It was all done. All we had to do was show up. But somewhere along the way during the last couple of months, life happened. The ugly kind of life. The kind of life that says, "It's been a while since you've hurt- let's just go ahead and remedy that." I began to feel a kind of anxiety that I have never before in my life felt. I can't even describe it. It caused me actual physical pain. I fell asleep with my heart literally hurting every single night. I won't divulge the things that happened that led to that anxiety, but I knew deep down that I wasn't ready for this. But everyone was so happy for me. How could I let them down? So I pressed on. And the anxiety got worse. Fast. And then full on depression hit. And that kept growing at record speed also. I couldn't keep up. 

There are only a handful of people that know this next part but I'm putting it out here in these written words because I can't keep up with the mask wearing thing anymore. It's too much. I need to be real and authentic, no matter the cost of my image. Soooo, the depression grew into a desire for death. Every. Single. Day. I would see all of these happy people just living out their perfectly normal lives and it was unbearable for me. I wanted that. And it was unreachable because I was bound to this upcoming marriage that I wasn't ready for.  I was gearing up to be some sort of false sacrificial lamb that kept everyone believing the lie of my happy ending. The problem was, my happy ending in real life was me waking up sobbing every morning trying to figure out how I was going to make it through the day, much less my entire life. I never resorted to actually acting on any of my desires for death, but for the first time, I understood what suicidal people who cut themselves for release go through. I wanted that same release. I longed for it with every fiber of my being. It needed to come out. Somehow. The tension and the agony going on in my insides was so unbearable. And the isolation- oh the isolation. It was a level of pain that I just didn't know what to do with. There is no possible way to describe that kind of pain through words. The only single thing that got me through was the whisper of, "Your children are not ready to live without you." That's it. That's all I had. My kids. I must fight for them. I must.  

While it wasn't nearly to the same degree, I remember having doubts during my first engagement. And the same thoughts about being too far in and having to see it through and just hope for the best. And we all know how that worked out. Was I really going to let history repeat itself? I couldn't. So 10 days ago, the decision to not get married was made. And immediately, the anxiety eased. Finally, some release.  And then. A phone call. From the ex-husband. To tell me that for reasons beyond his control, he was having to sell his house and move 3 hours away. And the boys will have to switch schools and who knows how scheduling time with them will work out now. The one stable and constant thing in their life, gone. Damn. This life, man. It just never lets up. So there's a new wave of depression hitting. It's better than it was 10 days ago, but honestly, that doesn't say a whole lot right now. It's all just really hard. That's just the honest truth.

So here I am. The not-so-proud owner of 2 dresses (tucked away in the garage so I don't have to actually look at them) as evidence that I have no idea what I'm doing in this life of mine. One dress that's a token of a failed marriage and another dress a token of still being a clueless hot mess. I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, or next month, or next year. And I don't know when the bad depression days will hit hard and when they will be more subdued. I'm on a day by day schedule right now. But here's what I do know.. Jesus is still Jesus. I'm not always able to focus on him when the pain hits, but when he does give me the gift of his overwhelming presence, it's so very sweet. When I can look up at the sky while I'm driving and see a sunset that oozes his goodness and glory, I cling to that moment and hold on to it for as long as I can. When I can hug my boys and smell their sweet skin and take in all of the good kind of life that's happening inside of them, I relish in that. And for right now, I'm remembering that trusting Jesus doesn't really happen in the easy times. It happens when the actual need for trust arises. And as it turns out, I can trust him even in the very darkest of hours.