There is no real consistency when it comes to the bedtime routine with the boys. They almost always take a bath or shower before bed but other than that, anything can happen. Some nights we read books, some nights I cave and let them play on the ipad or my phone in bed. Some nights we read our Bible and pray together, some nights we don't. Some nights they sleep in my bed, some nights they sleep in theirs. Some nights I sleep with them, some nights I tuck them in before they go to sleep on their own. Some nights they're asleep by 7pm (or sometimes even 5:30pm for Logan) and sometimes it's 9:30 or later even.
Tonight, Logan was out by 6:30 while Korben stayed up to finish his homework and do some reading. Finally it was time for him to get tucked in. I had laid down with Logan when he fell asleep so Korben asked if I would lay down with him too.
"Sure, Bud, but I need to fold some laundry real quick and then I'll come right back in, ok?"
"Ok."
I told him I loved him and kissed him on the forehead and then left the room. I got a couple of chores done and seriously considered just getting everything done that I needed. I knew if I never went back in, he would still eventually fall asleep and I would have more time to get caught up. I cannot tell you how much stuff constantly needs to be done at my house. I know I've said this before but being a single working mom of 2 boys is exhausting and there just aren't enough hours in my day. After the dinner and the homework and the baths, there is laundry and dishes and lesson plans for work and lunches to make for the next school day and so so much more. And it's all on me. Just me. And trying to get it all done at a reasonable hour is impossible unless I choose to completely neglect my kids for the few hours that we are all home together before they go to bed. So it (sort of, kind of, not really) gets done late at night when I only have about 5 brain cells that are still functioning.
And this wasn't one of the nights that I told Korben he needed to go to sleep on his own. I had told him that I would come back in. Maybe not going back in would have no major effect. But maybe he would remember this one night forever when I told him I was coming back but never showed up. Knowing Korben, it would probably be the latter. And who knows.. maybe I've been through this exact same scenario and he is already traumatized but I just don't remember.. because you know, only 5 functioning brain cells.
At any rate, tonight I decided to prolong the doing of the chores and went back into the boys' room.
"Mom, you're back! Did you finish the laundry?"
"No. But I'm going to lay down with you for a while and finish it later."
"I love you, Mom." (As he gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek)
"I love you too."
As I stroked his hair and watched him fall asleep with a smile on his face, I knew I made the right choice. He fell asleep knowing that my words weren't just words - that he could really trust my promises to him and my love for him.
Now I wish I could say that I was one of those crazy awesome prayerful moms that prays for her kids every single night without fail. Because that's what every good Christ following mom does, right? Unfortunately, I kinda suck at that part of parenting. I mean, I pray for my kids, but it's nowhere near an every night occurrence. Can I still blame the 5 functioning brain cells? Because I'm going to anyway. So there. But on this night, I made good on my Jesus loving motherly ways and I kneeled down beside my kids' bed and prayed over them. It was a sweet moment with my Father that I would have missed out on if I had chosen the chores. I'll spare you the whole long prayer, but I do pray that they will grow up always seeking their Father's will, that they love well, and that they will be strong men without comprising gentleness and that they will be gentle men without compromising strength.
I won't pretend that there aren't (many) (many many) (SO MANY) days that I'm pulling my hair out trying to raise these 2 little munchkins, but there is none of that tonight. Tonight, there is just gratefulness for them being in the world and in my life. They are not the perfect kids and I am certainly not the perfect mother, but they are the perfect kids for me to mother. What a brighter place this world is with them in it.
End mushiness.
