Christmas 2015

So.. first Christmas without my kids.. of course I'm going to write about it. I have been thinking about this day for weeks. At first I felt dread. How could I possibly survive a CHRISTMAS without my kids? But as the days passed, it got easier and easier to think about. I planned a weekend out with some friends, planned a Dallas trip to see my 2 BEST friends, and signed up to serve at one the candlelight services at my church on Christmas Eve.  Another friend has invited me over to crash brunch later today and then tomorrow my family will be here from Abilene and we have plans to visit more family the rest of the weekend. So I've had plenty to keep me distracted and busy. It's been good.

Overall, I have mostly felt peace but there have been a few moments where the loneliness has crept in. The end of last night's candlelight service was one of those times. Serving the cookies and wassail was great. I worked with a very sweet older woman who, even though I only talked to her for a couple of hours, I wish could be my life mentor. I want to write about her awesomeness but I don't even know how to put it into words. It turns out we have similar marriage and divorce stories, she has 2 boys like I do, and she even went to the same church in the Woodlands that I did before moving to Faithbridge. And even with everything she has been through, she had this pure joy about her. She was a breath of fresh air. After our time serving together, we parted ways and headed in to see the next candlelight service. I was in a really good place and it was a good service. But afterwards, I saw all of the families head out together and head to wherever they were going to spend the rest of Christmas Eve. And in that moment, even though I had just felt peace and contentment a few short minutes beforehand, the loneliness started finding it's way in. It was too much to see all those families together while I was alone. I wanted my kids. I wanted my mom and dad. I wanted my (late) grandparents. And I let that loneliness cloud my thoughts for the rest of the night. I went to bed wondering if I would have a dreadful Christmas Day after all and just wasn't looking forward to waking up.

But I didn't wake up feeling dreadful. Because here's the thing.. while I do miss my kids terribly and wish that I was with my family today, that is not. the. point. of. Christmas. And today, while I am alone, I haven't been distracted by the hustle and chaos that usually comes on this day. And it has turned out to be a pretty beautiful thing. Today, it's just me and my Jesus. I get to REALLY focus on what today means. How on this day over 2000 years ago, God broke the barrier between heaven and earth by taking on the form of man. When I really contemplate that, it's crazy to think about. This was the day that gave mankind HOPE and LIFE again. GOD y'all.. the One who made EVERYTHING.. the One who weaved me together and makes my heart beat every single day.. HE took on that that same fragile form. He who cannot die wrapped Himself up in human flesh with his own heartbeat and became one of us. He became someone fragile enough to die so that he could do JUST THAT. Die. He took on every aspect that it is to be human and he came humbly. As a baby. In a bed of hay in a stable. And why? Because love. Simply because He loves me. No complicated or selfish reasoning for it.. just pure, complete, and perfect love. It's crazy! Who does that?? Jesus does. No matter where we are or what we are going through this Christmas, we can and should still celebrate - because the good news of His birth is... GOOD. And it is for us all. For the broken and for the hurting and for the  mourning. That's what makes it so beautiful and wonderful and good.

My kids have 3 small gifts each from me this year that they will unwrap next week when I get them back, and this year I didn't bother with a tree or lights or decorations. Every Christmas tradition that I love and have always done was nonexistent this year. And I don't even care. Because all of those things are wonderful. They really really are. And I hope that I get to do it all next year. But Christmas is about so much more than traditions and I'm grateful to have this year of kind of being forced into really really understanding that.

Merry Christmas.

I'm Just a Summer Girl

Let me forewarn you that despite the title of this post, it is not actually about summer. It's the name of a song that will make more sense by the end if you're not familiar with it.

I'm actually writing about boys here. I feel like I may be turning into Taylor Swift a little bit with this whole writing about boys thing.. except for the part where I have absolutely zero musical talent so instead of writing songs that millions of people will buy which will in turn make me filthy rich, I'm just... well... writing. For free. To an audience of about 3. So I guess you win, Swift. You. Win. But whatever.   

So.. I started dating again last summer for the first time since my divorce a year and a half ago. And here is how meeting someone in real life went:

"Well hello there, cute man. Oh wait.. nice ring you have there."

"He seems nice. Maybe I'll go talk to him. Oh.. that's a very lovely family you have there, sir."

"Oh, you have a wife also? How nice for you. Carry on then."

Yeah. The number of available men my age is not as promising as it was when I was last in the dating world as a young 20 something year old. So after being talked into it by several  different people and actually seeing a few success stories myself, I succumbed to the world of online dating. There. I admitted it. Don't judge me. Anyway, once I got sort of used to the idea, I thought, "It can't be that bad. I'm a perfectly good catch and *I'm* on here. So surely I can find someone that isn't a crazy, stalker pedophile, serial killer.. right?" And you know, I actually did find someone nice fairly quickly. I'm not going to go into much detail about that relationship but we dated for a few months and then it didn't work out. It was nothing like the divorce so I didn't really feel the need to wait to jump back into the dating game. And back online I went. For all of about 6 minutes. Because I remembered that I had much more patience for all of the online nonsense last time than I do this time around. I mean for real. Look for yourself. I'm not revealing anyone's profile identity but these are some of the messages I have gotten..   

A mermaid? Really? And it's the first time you've seen one with a beautiful smile? So you've seen others that don't have a beautiful smile??? Where?

I'm not a grammar Nazi by any means but if you can't even spell "goes" right...

    
             You wrote three words and couldn't even write two of them out? Are you really just that lazy?

I guess this guy has a copy and paste method he uses for everyone he talks to and just missed that he already said it to me?

That's nice. But I don't date aliens so that might be a problem..

"Oh, she didn't respond in 30 minutes.. lemme send a smiley to remind her I wrote."

Um, I don't know you so I'm definitely not your sweetie, sweetie. Carry on.

                                                          Thanks for your enthusiasm I guess?

You can tell I'm honest can you? Because everyone is so honest on the internet. Glad you are intuitive enough to know me so well already.

      Well, since you HAVE to meet me...

  Again, I appreciate that you're trying to be complimentary but dude, come on.

If at first, you don't succeed, write again. And again. I mean, I COULD like the stalker type I guess

   "I hope your baby is fine?" I don't know what that even means. But ok. Oh wait, that didn't work so let's try to appeal to her spiritual side? I have nothing for this guy...

So there you have it. I'm going to do my own copy and paste with this picture because as arrogant as it may sound, it's just where I'm at right now..  

Last weekend, I went out with a couple of girlfriends and I was reminded of how much fun being single can be. We drank, we talked, and we laughed our freaking behinds off for hours on end. It was so much fun. And the added bonus of there being a cute bartender that was actually single and flirted with me didn't hurt either!

So "Summer Girl" is my current anthem and I am going to enjoy it for a while. To save you from having to google the lyrics, here are a couple of lines that refer to what I mean..

"I'm just a summer girl. I wear my flip flops...

Who needs a boyfriend? I got my girlfriends. 

And when we get together, the summer never ends"

Flip flops and girlfriends. What else can you ask for?  

Bedtime Stuff

There is no real consistency when it comes to the bedtime routine with the boys. They almost always take a bath or shower before bed but other than that, anything can happen. Some nights we read books, some nights I cave and let them play on the ipad or my phone in bed. Some nights we read our Bible and pray together, some nights we don't. Some nights they sleep in my bed, some nights they sleep in theirs. Some nights I sleep with them, some nights I tuck them in before they go to sleep on their own. Some nights they're asleep by 7pm (or sometimes even 5:30pm for Logan) and sometimes it's 9:30 or later even.

Tonight, Logan was out by 6:30 while Korben stayed up to finish his homework and do some reading. Finally it was time for him to get tucked in. I had laid down with Logan when he fell asleep so Korben asked if I would lay down with him too.
"Sure, Bud, but I need to fold some laundry real quick and then I'll come right back in, ok?"
"Ok."

I told him I loved him and kissed him on the forehead and then left the room. I got a couple of chores done and seriously considered just getting everything done that I needed. I knew if I never went back in, he would still eventually fall asleep and I would have more time to get caught up. I cannot tell you how much stuff constantly needs to be done at my house. I know I've said this before but being a single working mom of 2 boys is exhausting and there just aren't enough hours in my day. After the dinner and the homework and the baths, there is laundry and dishes and lesson plans for work and lunches to make for the next school day and so so much more. And it's all on me. Just me. And trying to get it all done at a reasonable hour is impossible unless I choose to completely neglect my kids for the few hours that we are all home together before they go to bed. So it (sort of, kind of, not really) gets done late at night when I only have about 5 brain cells that are still functioning.

And this wasn't one of the nights that I told Korben he needed to go to sleep on his own. I had told him that I would come back in. Maybe not going back in would have no major effect. But maybe he would remember this one night forever when I told him I was coming back but never showed up. Knowing Korben, it would probably be the latter. And who knows.. maybe I've been through this exact same scenario and he is already traumatized but I just don't remember.. because you know, only 5 functioning brain cells.

 At any rate, tonight I decided to prolong the doing of the chores and went back into the boys' room.
"Mom, you're back! Did you finish the laundry?"
"No. But I'm going to lay down with you for a while and finish it later."
"I love you, Mom." (As he gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek)
"I love you too."

As I stroked his hair and watched him fall asleep with a smile on his face, I knew I made the right choice. He fell asleep knowing that my words weren't just words - that he could really trust my promises to him and my love for him.

Now I wish I could say that I was one of those crazy awesome prayerful moms that prays for her kids every single night without fail. Because that's what every good Christ following mom does, right? Unfortunately, I kinda suck at that part of parenting. I mean, I pray for my kids, but it's nowhere near an every night occurrence.  Can I still blame the 5 functioning brain cells? Because I'm going to anyway. So there. But on this night, I made good on my Jesus loving motherly ways and I kneeled down beside my kids' bed and prayed over them. It was a sweet moment with my Father that I would have missed out on if I had chosen the chores. I'll spare you the whole long prayer, but I do pray that they will grow up always seeking their Father's will, that they love well, and that they will be strong men without comprising gentleness and that they will be gentle men without compromising strength.

I won't pretend that there aren't (many) (many many) (SO MANY) days that I'm pulling my hair out trying to raise these 2 little munchkins, but there is none of that tonight. Tonight, there is just gratefulness for them being in the world and in my life. They are not the perfect kids and I am certainly not the perfect mother, but they are the perfect kids for me to mother. What a brighter place this world is with them in it.

End mushiness.

I Heart Punta Cana

Just so you know, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic is fantastic. Where do you begin when writing about one of the most absolute best vacations ever? I guess I'll start with a big fat thank you to my family for such a great week. This trip was filled with memories and experiences that I will treasure forever and I'm so incredibly thankful that we all finally made a trip together!    

 

 

The trip began with a flight in first class. It was a first experience for all of us and it. was. awesome.  

 

 

The early morning flight was worth it to get to see the sunrise from up in the clouds..

                                                

They serve you real, hot food AND mimosas for breakfast in first class. So much better than the usual peanuts.

 

               A view of our resort, The Bavaro Princesss, from the room. It's ok to be jealous.

 

 

First thing on the agenda was obviously to head to the bar..

Wildlife at the resort...

 

             
                                     

 

Headed to the beach!

 

 

 

 

Love my seester!

Beach soccer match was priceless to watch.

 Hook 'em!

I heart coconuts

"Not Smocking Area Please"

 

The only single picture of all 5 of us. I guess I'll take it!

This is La Hoya Azul. A natural water hole with water from the ocean that isn't salty because the limestone filters it all out. Pictures cannot do it's gorgeousness justice. 

Longhorn fan family = several pictures like this one. Hook 'em!

Dune buggies on the beach!



Mis padres favarito! 

 

My seester all cozy on the beach with a coconut that could have used some rum and pineapple juice inside. 

 

Picture from my phone instead of the camera = different coloring that I was too lazy to correct. Don't judge me.  

This guy...

Horseback riding pic sans our awesome guides, Johnny and Edwardo who gave us Spanish lessons along the ride. 

Fancy dinner night meant we actually wore heels... even if it WAS for only 5 minutes. And by fancy dinner, I mean 3 of us crashed Jamey and Tonya's reserved romantic dinner for 2. I'm not even sorry about it because that dinner was delicious. 

Whose 58 year old father participates in a beer drinking contest and comes in second place? That would be mine..

Drinks + Canasta on a Thursday night = Family version of Thirsty Thursday

 

Pretty sure I can make cigars after watching this dude do it. 

Well, we can at least smoke our girly flavored ones..

 

Roger and Renee were our resort neighbors. They're pretty much awesome. If I ever disappear, I'm probably in South Carolina paying these guys a visit. FYI. 

Roger likes to photobomb pictures too. He get's extra points. 

Post Saki = this

 

And they still let me have a go at the grill. Another awesome first in my book. 

The hotel's version of The Lion King = lip syncing to the lines from the movie. Sounds terrible, right? But no, it was actually pretty fantastic.

 

 Waltz music coming on = my father getting up to dance 100% of the time

 

And just a random picture of my brother and sister-in-law that made it's way down here. Why not?

 

 

So now a quick thank you to the man who made this family vacation possible - my dad. Thank you so so very much for this trip, dad. You love your family well and you step up and go over and beyond what is necessary to take care of us. I'm so appreciative of that. You made sure that all of us had the best vacation we possibly could and in my book, it was nothing short of a complete success! I cannot wait until the next one! Salud!