War

I don't know where to begin. I found myself wanting to write about my divorce and struggles and joys and hopes and life and yadda yadda yadda. And I hated every outlet I had tried before so I came home to blogger. And I wrote a little bit about what I came here to write about - I just never posted it. That will come at some point because I really do want to share some of what I have experienced for a number of different reasons. But today, I actually want to write about some non-personal stuff that has been weighing on me lately. Soooo, here goes..

Cake and babies. I have shed quite a few tears on these two subjects. And I have seen other people write about both subjects, although it has mostly been the former subject with so much attention. So let's start with cake just because it has been getting the most attention in my facebook newsfeed. You know, the wedding cake for a gay couple in Indiana that never was baked. If I'm being completely honest, I'm really tired of hearing about it. Because it's a cake. A CAKE. I mean, I know that there's more underlined stuff behind it just being a cake, and I get that. I do. But people, enough is enough already. And I'm not taking sides here. I'm pissed off at the way people on BOTH sides of this debate are acting and treating each other. Well intentioned people are standing up for the baker, well intentioned people are standing up for the couple who wanted the cake. But in the end, all we're doing is attacking each other. Even in the civil written talks I have seen trying to have legit meaningful conversation, it still ends up with an opposing side trying to get the other side to listen. But everybody is too fucking busy trying to argue their side to hear the other.

Everybody wants a black and white answer but there isn't one. I tend to believe that both sides are right and both sides are wrong. Because maybe there really shouldn't be SIDES to begin with. We want to talk about life and humanity and rights but then we also want to make cookie cutter ideas and make everyone think, talk, and act the same. And shame on anyone who doesn't agree with me. But people, if we are all uniquely made, isn't that end cookie cutter goal kind of completely pointless? And I know this sounds like random mumbling so I'm sorry about that. I just wish we could all co-exist without so much dad gum hate.

I'm going to state where I stand on this whole mess (probably in a very incoherent way that will look like a jumbled written mess but whatever, I'm doing it anyway), not to try to convince anyone to take a certain side, but to hopefully show that we don't NEED to take sides (again, I will probably fail miserably at this but I'm doing it anyway). We are all human beings here. Gay, straight, Christian, atheist, black, blue, purple, white, male, female, cake bakers, cake eaters - we are PEOPLE and we all matter.

So.. If I was the baker in Indiana, I absolutely would have baked the cake. Personally, I am not against gay marriage being legal. If two consenting adults want to make a decision about their life together, that's their business. And as a Christ follower, I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that God hates divorce. But here I am - divorced. And it was by my own choice. I'm the one who left. It's another situation with a bunch of gray areas so maybe I had a straight up biblical out and maybe I didn't. Either way, I still cried the day it was final and I felt my Father cry with me. Not because I regretted leaving, but because that just wasn't the way He meant relationships to be. But more than the legalities of when and if divorce is ok or being gay is ok, I also know that God is for healthy, loving relationships more than He is for checking off all of the right boxes. And that day, in the midst of the tears, I felt love from Him that I cannot even begin to explain. Because He is for relationships. And love and comfort and grace are all part of having a relationship. If those things didn't matter, He would have stopped creation at Adam. But He said straight up, "It is not good for man to be alone." And people want to add to their arguments about the damages of children being raised in gay families without both a mother and a father but, while I agree that having both is ideal, I also think being a part of a loving family far far far outweighs the damages of who that family is consisted of. I am a divorced mother so I know what it's like (in a different way obviously) to raise kids in a non-traditional way. It's hard and it's not ideal, but we are doing the best we can with what we have and as long as there is love, we're doing ok. Anyway, regardless of my beliefs about gay marriage, I don't think that a gay couple asking me to bake them a cake is the same thing as them asking me to perform the actual ceremony. Plus, I'm all for serving. I mean, I fail at servant hood all the time, but I do try. Because servant hood is a way to show love and Jesus was all about that and I want obtain the unobtainable goal of being like Jesus. That said, I WASN'T the baker in Indiana. And the baker who was asked to make the cake isn't me. He is a completely different human being with a different story and different thoughts and beliefs. AND. THAT. IS. OK. I don't know this baker so this is just speculation, but if he is a Christ follower then more than likely his end goal in life is to bring God glory. And for whatever reason, he couldn't say with 100% certainty that making that cake would bring God glory. Was it right or wrong? I really don't know. But I do think that as a private business owner, he had every legal right to say no. I mean, if I wanted to make and sell bracelets (I don't), I would want to be able to say no to someone I didn't want to do business with for whatever reason. Because I'm the one who created said business and I'm the one offering up my time to make the goods. If it's a big corporation, I think it's a different story but that's not the case here. Also, bracelets, wedding cakes, etc. are just that - goods. A luxury. I have heard several people say that someone's basic needs were denied when this gay couple was refused a wedding cake. Can we just get real? We are some spoiled people when wedding cakes become a "basic need" in life. And calling for the boycott of an entire state just seems a little overboard to me.

To me, the baker is right AND wrong. Serving would have been a good choice but he should also be able to do with his own private business what he wants. And we shouldn't judge him for saying no if he truly was trying to glorify the Father. We, as believers, talk about showing grace so why is it so hard to show grace to our fellow believers when they do something different than we would have? The gay couple was right AND wrong. Not wrong by any means wanting to celebrate their union with a delicious cake, but maybe it would have been better to have handled it on a personal level instead of like this. But just like the baker, they are deserving of grace. They are all people that deserve to be treated like- you know, people. There's so much gray in all of this. And that's ok - that's life. At the end of the day, people on both sides of this have been hurt. We don't know the baker, we don't know the gay couple and so we can't pretend to know anything about this story other than what  is on the surface but I don't thinks it's as black and white as we are trying to make it. I wish love were simple, and maybe it's supposed to be. But in real life, it's hard. For all of us. But if we're all at least trying, can we just stop the war and show some grace for one another and continue to try to show love instead of bitterness?
 
Now, I realize that I have ended up writing so much about the cake that I haven't left a lot of space for babies if I'm going to keep anyone's attention on this single post (assuming anyone is actually even reading this post of course). And I'm so much more passionate about the babies issue. Because you know, cake is just cake, but babies are people. And It makes me so sad and angry to think about the baby in Colorado who was cut from her mother's womb with a knife and left to die in a cold bathtub. Yet, according the state of Colorado, the baby wasn't really a person so no murder charges will be filed against her murderer. I guess that's why I'm so tired all of the cake talk. It fills up my newsfeed all day long but this - the injustice of an actual life - gets barely any attention. Hardly anybody seems to be upset about the gruesome and horrible shit that this mother and baby endured and the injustice that the legal system is allowing. I don't get it. Actual life should be worth fighting for. I wish I knew how to make it right. But I won't call for a boycott of the entire state of Colorado. It's still a perfectly lovely state occupied by people just like you and me and who are mostly trying their best to do their part in this world. Instead, I will just go to my knees and pray. I'm not even sure what I will pray for specifically; all I know is I long for the day that the war ends. So maybe I'll just cry some more and call out the name of Jesus. What patience and love he has for us to put up with our craziness for centuries upon centuries upon centuries.